Lately, I’ve been asking myself a question:
What the heck do I want to be?
I’m a goofy animator to one audience and a Catholic blogger to another; even then, I don’t know whether I want this blog to be about my movies, other people’s movies, or video games. I don’t even know if I want to be known as a blogger. If I introduce my Youtube fans to this blog, they could be alienated by my faith. But if I completely conform this blog to a secular audience, I could alienate those I’ve connected with through it.
I don’t want to end (not delete) my stop-motion cartoon channel just because the art of stop-motion has been isolating; I want to end it because I don’t want to be associated with Transformers anymore. On the other hand, if I make a live-action project that I’d want to reach a wide audience, my Youtube fans would be my best bet at getting that done. Yet, I don’t know what types of no-budget movies I could make in live-action that aren’t goofy.
Why am I even mentioning this? I mean, the persona I’ve built through this blog, my Twitter, and my Google+ is meant to be my escape from the real world. I sell myself as Catholic just to bring in an audience I’d likely have little conflict with; discussing all the emotional and spiritual crises at the root of my online identity crisis would just violate my safe haven.
If anything can be taken away from this, it’s that my tendency to reinvent myself as a blogger may indicate that I wasn’t meant to be a blogger in the first place.